Most new parents I meet initially resist my suggestion that they come to group, "oh, I'm not a support group type of person!" or "I'm really introverted and don't like to talk about my feelings."
The thing is, being a human who birthed a human is HARD. Those little ones eat all the time, they sleep at the most inopportune times, they wait for you to finally grab a sandwich and put your feet up for a blessed twenty minutes before they scream like you've never fed them before in their entire lives. The sad little baby cries that they make get you right in your gut and your heart and rattle your brain just enough that you put down you sandwich and grab that little human and sniff his butt and then try to figure out if he needs to eat again OR SOMETHING! And don't forget you! While you are trying to learn your baby and figure out how to keep him alive, you are also bleeding, dealing with inflammation in tender lady-bit places that have never been swollen before, or learning how to stand up straight after a cesarean birth and feeling helpless that you can't even bend over to pick your baby up. You feel more tired than you ever have, more inside out than you ever have, more alone than you ever have- even though your family and friends are there to congratulate you. It's like being in a fishbowl. Alone. With everyone staring at you and no one really able to help you, understand you or help you figure out how to make it easier.
Enter support group. Once you feel human-ish enough to put on pants then come to group. Throw that mop of hair up on top, put on a fresh pad and slide your swollen ankles into slippers or birks and get yourself to group. Here you will meet your new best friends. Here you WILL NOT feel like you are in a fishbowl. Here you will feel seen. Cuz everyone here is going through it or recently did. It's fresh for everyone. Those feelings of annihilation, surrender, fear, anxiety, and that pendulum swinging of amazement, wonder, curiosity is a lot to carry all by yourself. Those thoughts of "how am I supposed to keep waking up thirteen times overnight?" "is it normal that my baby grunts all night long?" "Why am I waking up in a panic?" "how does everyone else make it look so easy?" will begin to take shape in your mind's eye as rhetorical questions that no-one has the answers to. But that is only because you will begin to hear all the other more experienced moms NOT have the answers. You'll hear the moms ask the questions that you didn't even know you had. You'll hear someone bring up a topic you didn't even know you should be concerned about. You'll hear words and expressions and concepts that are foreign and then one day they will start to make sense. It's like learning a new language through deep immersion. It won't make sense at all, then bits will start making sense and before you know it you are fluent enough to make your way around and point another mom in the right direction. And you can still feel lost at times. But at least you know you aren't alone.
The thing is, being a human who birthed a human is HARD. Those little ones eat all the time, they sleep at the most inopportune times, they wait for you to finally grab a sandwich and put your feet up for a blessed twenty minutes before they scream like you've never fed them before in their entire lives. The sad little baby cries that they make get you right in your gut and your heart and rattle your brain just enough that you put down you sandwich and grab that little human and sniff his butt and then try to figure out if he needs to eat again OR SOMETHING! And don't forget you! While you are trying to learn your baby and figure out how to keep him alive, you are also bleeding, dealing with inflammation in tender lady-bit places that have never been swollen before, or learning how to stand up straight after a cesarean birth and feeling helpless that you can't even bend over to pick your baby up. You feel more tired than you ever have, more inside out than you ever have, more alone than you ever have- even though your family and friends are there to congratulate you. It's like being in a fishbowl. Alone. With everyone staring at you and no one really able to help you, understand you or help you figure out how to make it easier.
Enter support group. Once you feel human-ish enough to put on pants then come to group. Throw that mop of hair up on top, put on a fresh pad and slide your swollen ankles into slippers or birks and get yourself to group. Here you will meet your new best friends. Here you WILL NOT feel like you are in a fishbowl. Here you will feel seen. Cuz everyone here is going through it or recently did. It's fresh for everyone. Those feelings of annihilation, surrender, fear, anxiety, and that pendulum swinging of amazement, wonder, curiosity is a lot to carry all by yourself. Those thoughts of "how am I supposed to keep waking up thirteen times overnight?" "is it normal that my baby grunts all night long?" "Why am I waking up in a panic?" "how does everyone else make it look so easy?" will begin to take shape in your mind's eye as rhetorical questions that no-one has the answers to. But that is only because you will begin to hear all the other more experienced moms NOT have the answers. You'll hear the moms ask the questions that you didn't even know you had. You'll hear someone bring up a topic you didn't even know you should be concerned about. You'll hear words and expressions and concepts that are foreign and then one day they will start to make sense. It's like learning a new language through deep immersion. It won't make sense at all, then bits will start making sense and before you know it you are fluent enough to make your way around and point another mom in the right direction. And you can still feel lost at times. But at least you know you aren't alone.
"Being a human who birthed a human is hard."
A lot of us tend to think of support groups as where people go if they are really hurting, struggling or facing big demons. But having a baby CAN ABSOLUTELY cause one to really hurt, struggle and face emotional demons. Meeting your new mom group is EXACTLY where you need to be to help you through one of the hardest most amazing experiences of your life.
How did support group change things for YOU?
How did support group change things for YOU?
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